It was exactly an year ago when I was indulging in the most extravagant and larger than life activity that I could ever imagine. One year down the line I can look back and say it all went gurgling down the drain. I found no sleep in the train that night, too excited to sleep lest I miss my station. Such was the madness in the moment that it did not allow me to see logic. Delhi was 8 hours away and I fretted that I was still too far away and that the dawn had been taking so much longer to come that day. The passion was overwhelming. I was engulfed and consumed in it. The heat did not matter, my empty stomach did not matter, the uncomfortable second class berth did not matter all that mattered was that I was going to find bliss, that Delhi was approaching, that I was going to be captivated in the fragrance of the persona. Such affection, such madness, such impatience, such a long night.
One year hence, I look back, contemplate. No regrets. I did what I thought was right. I wanted to do it. That smile that had taken my breathe away time and again, it was worth more to me than anything I could imagine. Looking back I think what a fool I was, such naiveness, such puerility. I can forgive myself for I did nothing wrong. I kept my part of the story, it is unfortunate the other part was discarded without minimum fuss. The same place where I thought I would find bliss was inaccessible, all for want to a damned rickety steel object.
One year hence, I look back, contemplate. No regrets. I did what I thought was right. I wanted to do it. That smile that had taken my breathe away time and again, it was worth more to me than anything I could imagine. Looking back I think what a fool I was, such naiveness, such puerility. I can forgive myself for I did nothing wrong. I kept my part of the story, it is unfortunate the other part was discarded without minimum fuss. The same place where I thought I would find bliss was inaccessible, all for want to a damned rickety steel object.
It is over and for good. The story has ended. The game is over. I am glad I played with a lot of heart. The past is over and looking back is sin. I do not look back for that is not the way I am taking. Perhaps I will indulge in the same madness and the same passion or perhaps in more madness and more passion just that I shall delay it by a span of 27 dawns. The darkness is at its deadliest best. For me the dawn is approaching.
7 comments:
"Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions.All life is an experiment.The more experiments you make the better." Emerson
This is one of my favourite quotations :)
one year hence.. An entry living up to the name of your blog "taking stock"... Nice..
m'deah boy,
a good head on those shoulders you possessed i always knew,
things that pinch us, go away with time, and every phase begins anew.
you dedicate your heart and soul, embroiled in passion to only a select few,
and when its all been and gone, you contemplate over it all, this bitter-sweet brew..
called life!
:)
cheers. to taking stock.
hey anand...nicely done ya..it is a good read...given the fact that its all over :P
"Perhaps I will indulge in the same madness and the same passion or perhaps in more madness and more passion just that I shall delay it by a span of 27 dawns"
Not the same. This time around, much better. And different :-)
This post reminds me of the book "The Road Less Travelled" in which the author says that one way of avoiding getting hurt is to lock oneself in a room and cut out all ties with the world. If one does not keep an emotional relationship with anybody, he obviously has not distributed anybody the power to hurt him.
Yet, would one like to live a secluded life bereft of social interactions? The process of loving, getting enamoured and attached to somebody, is what makes us human even if it increases our vulnerability to an emotional heartbreak.
I am sure you would agree.
hmmmmm..............
Post a Comment