How to De-addict yourself from Fb (for dummies)

At some point in your life you have wanted to de-addict yourself from Fb. Come on, admit it, everyone has. It is equally true that you have found the process grueling. You have deleted your account on many occasions but that lasted for a day. Let me also tell you that I have been successful in de-addicting myself from Fb. This is how. Follow these simple steps to lead a Fb free life.

Step 1: Check updates and pictures of each of your couple of hundred friends. You will get to know everything about them which will include what they had for breakfast, where they are, whether it is their cat’s birthday or sometimes, even, the colour of the undergarment they are wearing (though be prepared to also know that some may not be wearing any and are not afraid to announce this to the world). Clearly, all this newly acquired knowledge has enriched your life beyond measure. Now reflect on your life and realise how sucky it truly is.

Step 2: Just to be counted in the fbosphere you must upload a picture of yourself with someone really cool. Say if you are an aspiring chef, you could use the guys from Master Chef Australia, or if you’re a racer somebody like Schumacher will do or if you’re a budding economist, a God of economics like a Nobel Laureate will do (nothing else is cool enough). Engage in insightful conversation with this God of your field and get her/him to say “Oh! I did not know that”. Clearly, now you have “earned” this picture with your God. Use this picture as your Fb profile picture. Obviously the fbbrazzi will “like” your picture in a half a second and people who are not truly your friends but are on your friends list will also congratulate you on your “achievement”. With many “likes” you would have arrived in fbosphere, until you realise that your friend’s selfie has got twice as much “likes” than your picture with your God. This should enrage you. However, do not engage in complicated math like trying to figure the percentage of friends who have “liked” your picture versus your friend’s. This may turn against you. Remember the goal is to de-addict your- self and the fact that 56 per cent of your friends have liked your photo as compared to 17 per cent of your friend’s friends should not be considered. Be truly pissed at this rat race of mediocrity.

Step 3: Keep looking for more pictures of your friends. You will come across a picture of this dude/chick from your school/college/ex-workplace doing really well in life like studying at Harvard or working at a global investment bank or playing cricket for the national team. You remember this dude/chick as a complete lout but you cannot figure out how he/she got there. Now it is very important for you to think this dude/chick went to study at Ivy League/play in the national team because of “baap ka paisa” or because his/her family has pull. But never bother to check the facts, it could turn out that this dude/chick actually got a scholarship or is really good at what he/she does. In that case your anger will be completely unjustified. So as a rule do not check facts and let the, often unjustifiable, anger build inside you. Remember the aim is to de-addict yourself and facts can ruin this process.

Step 4: Repeat actions similar to steps one to three many times over for best results. These steps are most effective when administered on days when you are having a bad time. By the step 3 happened to me I was so fed up that I willingly gave up being on Fb. So now, I lead a Fb free life. If I can do it, so can you. Good luck.